


Those Days

by isaacedison



Category: The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: mention of depression, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-23 03:32:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3752902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isaacedison/pseuds/isaacedison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something is wrong with Newt. But sadly, he refuses to talk about it. Good thing that Thomas has friends that are willing to help out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Those Days

**Those Days**

 

 

Never in his life had Thomas felt so worried. He kept telling himself that everything was all right but deep inside of him there was a part that didn't really believe it. Pacing through the room, he started to imagine at least twenty scenarios that proved that _something could always go wrong._

 

And all that just because Newt still hadn't returned from work. One could think that Thomas was exaggerating but his worry had its background: Within two years of dating, the older boy had never been late. From time to time it became some kind of routine. Thomas always came home in the early evening trying to finish his paperwork in a more comfortable atmosphere, while Newt had to work until seven (he usually arrived at their apartment half an hour later, depending on the traffic.)

 

But now it was already ten p.m. and Newt was nowhere to be found. He didn't answer his phone (neither his cell phone nor the one in his office), causing Thomas's concern to grow into panic. The boy already thought about calling the police when he heard light footsteps and the sound of the front door opening.

 

When Thomas saw his boyfriend entering their apartment, he was torn between feeling relieved and angry.

 

"Where the hell have you been?"

 

Judging from the surprised look on Newt's face, Thomas could only guess that he sounded a lot harsher than planned.

 

"Thought you'd be asleep by now," the older one mumbled.

 

"That didn't answer my question! I was worried about you, you know? You could have at least called or something like that to let me know that you'd be late," Thomas shot back, anger still burning inside of him. Newt shrugged.

 

"I'm gonna make tea. Want some?"

 

Thomas blinked at him in confusion. How could Newt only care so little about his boyfriend's feelings? Did he care at all? Or was he... was he cheating on Thomas? The brown-haired boy suddenly felt very sick. Picturing Newt being with somebody else felt horribly wrong.

 

_He wouldn't,_ Thomas said to himself, _Newt would never cheat on me. It's got to be something else._

 

From the corner of his eyes he could see Newt leaving to go to the kitchen. He didn't follow him. Instead he just stood there, in the middle of the living room, thinking about what he could say to make Newt open up to him. When he found the right choice of words, he went to the kitchen, only to be shocked for a second time.

 

Newt sat on the ground, head buried in his hands, sobbing silently. Thomas heart broke at the sight of this and the urge to scream directly into Newt's face suddenly vanished into nothingness. He didn't know how to react. His boyfriend rarely cried and if he did, he always made sure that Thomas wouldn't see him in such a fragile state. Ever since they first met Newt always tried to only show his strong side. Of course from time to time, as their relationship progressed, there were weak moments but nothing like  _this_ had ever happened.

 

"Newt," Thomas began to say but stopped soon as he saw the older boy pulling his knees closer to his chest, starting to shake uncontrollably while sobbing. Without hesitation Thomas sat down next to him and put his arms around him.

 

"Newt," Thomas repeated the other boy's name, "What-"

 

"Please," he could hear his boyfriend whispering weakly, "Please just... don't ask."

 

"You can tell me anything, you know that, right? I'm always here for you. But... but you need to talk to me. I need to know what's wrong, otherwise I won't be able to help you," Thomas tried to explain. He didn't want to pressure the older boy but he was full of worry. He really wanted to help, he just didn't know how.

 

"I'm okay," Newt lied.

 

"No, you're not."

 

"Tommy, please stop it, " Newt begged.

 

And Thomas did stop. For the rest of the night they sat in the kitchen, holding hands. Newt kept on crying for a very long time until he eventually fell asleep in Thomas's arms. The younger one pulled his boyfriend as close as possible to himself. He had never seen Newt in such a miserable state and to be honest he didn't want to experience such a situation again. Unfortunately he had absolutely no idea what the reason for Newt's breakdown was.

 

 

|=|

 

 

Yawning, Thomas walked into his office. He mumbled a short "Mornin' guys" and went to his desk.

 

"Well, well. Good morning, sunshine," he heard Teresa, one of his co-workers, say. "No offense, but you look... Wait a second, what's the nice word for 'like shit' again? Oh, yes, you look  _tired_ ."

 

"Newt kept me awake the whole night," Thomas explained.

 

"Ew. Always told you that I don't want to know about the details of your relationship with my best friend. Would be nice if you remembered that every now and then."

 

Thomas rolled his eyes at Minho's comment.

 

"That's not what I meant."

 

"How the hell are we supposed to know what you're blabbering about?" Teresa complained.

 

Sometimes Thomas really didn't know why he even spend time with his co-workers. Teresa had been his friend ever since they were children. She was like a little sister to him. Occasionally they had small fights but he always knew that he could count on her. With Minho it was different. He was Newt's best friend (but he really liked to act like his mother, Thomas had to learn that pretty soon. Shortly after he first met Newt Minho threatened him to break his bones if he broke Newt's heart. 'Overprotective' was an understatement.) Still Minho became one of his closest friends.

 

Thomas suddenly knew perfectly how he could find out why Newt acted so strange.

 

"Minho, I kind of need your help."

 

The Asian boy looked at him in confusion.

 

"Wait a second, you need my help? You're kidding, right? There's no way in hell that you could actually want my help, and even if, you'd never ask me," Minho paused for a second, "Who are you and what have you done to our poor little Thomas?"

 

Again Thomas rolled his eyes.

 

"Are you finished with your super dramatic monologue?"

 

"Wow," Teresa said, "Usually you're just grumpy but today you're like... extremely grumpy."

 

"It's about Newt," Thomas confessed.

 

"Look whatever it is, remember to keep the details to yourself. I'm not ready to hear about that part of my best friend's relationship, if you know what I mean," Minho said grinning.

 

Thomas let himself fall down on one of the chairs in his office. He didn't know how to start. Would Minho even be able to help? Sure, he was Newt's best friend and therefore knew him better than anyone else but Thomas still had doubts. Would Newt even want him to talk to anyone about this issue? And was it really that important? Thomas buried his head in his hands. He had no idea what to do.

 

"Thomas?"

 

Teresa sounded worried.

 

"Did... Did you break up with Newt?"

 

Thomas head shot up at the speed of light. He couldn't believe what Minho asked him.

 

"No! I didn't!" he shouted angrily. Thinking of breaking up with Newt was one thing (a crazy, terrible thing that Thomas would never do) but thinking of leaving Newt, knowing in what mental state the older boy was at the moment just seemed completely unbelievable. How could Minho even jump to such a conclusion?

 

"Okay, okay, calm down," said Asian boy interrupted Thomas's thoughts, "Tell me what happened."

 

"He came home late yesterday. I mean, like, really late. I was worried sick. And then he just... I don't know he acted strange."

 

"Strange?" Teresa asked confused. Thomas nodded.

 

"He wouldn't answer my questions or tell me where he had been. And then he started crying," Thomas recalled.

 

"Wait, wait, wait. We're still talking about Newt, aren't we? Because last time I checked, he doesn't cry. Never," Teresa threw in. 

 

Thomas look wandered to Minho who hadn't said a word about the whole story. His gaze was fixed at the ground. Almost as if he was trying to avoid Thomas.

 

"Minho, What do you think about-"

 

"Did Newt say anything? Or did he tell you why he was crying?" Minho interrupted Thomas.

 

"No. He told me he was fine, but I know that he wasn't. Minho, you've known him for such a long time. Do you have any idea what could be wrong with him?"

 

Minho sighed.

 

"Stupid shank told me he was all right. Damn it, this idiot," he whispered to himself. Thomas stared at him in confusion.

 

"Minho, What the he'll is going on?" he wanted to know.

 

"Newt is probably going to hate me for this but, damn it, you deserve to know. There's something he hasn't told you. I mean, about his past, before the two of you got to know each other. And if he won't tell you, then I'll have to."

 

 

|=|

 

 

The way home seemed to be endless and Thomas felt as if he was carrying an invisible bag full of rocks on his back. The world around him was spinning faster than usually and every now and then he had to pause for a second and just stand still.

 

Newt was probably already at home, waiting for him. At least that was what Thomas hoped. He himself was definitely not going to sit around for another evening, worried to death. After everything Minho had told him, he simply couldn't ignore what had happened the night before. The image of Newt crying his heart out was still floating around in Thomas's mind. And he couldn't take it anymore.

 

"I'm home," Thomas shouted soon as he had entered their shared apartment.

 

The first thing he noticed was that it smelled really good (which was surprising because Newt had never cooked before, that was usually Thomas's job.)

 

"Did you cook?" Thomas asked confused while making his way to the kitchen.

 

"Yeah, thought I could give it a try, y'know? Got off of work pretty early today and you weren't home, so I thought... 'Hey, cooking sounds good.'"

 

A sudden pain shot through Thomas's heart. Newt needed him and he hadn't been there for his boyfriend. Without any warning, Thomas pulled the older boy in a back hug. As he held him in his arms, he noticed that Newt was breathing really fast.

 

"Why won't you tell what's going on."

 

It was no question. It was a statement.

 

"I-"

 

Newt started shaking and Thomas could only guess that he was crying.

 

"We've been dating for over two years. I told you everything about me, even my darkest secrets. If you don't feel comfortable enough to do the same then you don't have to. It's okay. But let me try to help you anyway. I may not know what exactly it is that's upsetting you but I will do anything to make you feel better. I just want you to know that I love you with all my heart and that I will always stay by your side and help with with everything that's bothering you - I mean, if you want me to. If you let me."

 

"I don't deserve someone as good as you," Newt whispered, with his back still facing Thomas. He didn't want to be seen crying by the younger one.

 

"You deserve everything and more."

 

"You don't understand," Newt sobbed as he finally turned around. Thomas let go of him and looked at his boyfriend with a puzzled expression, "I've done terrible things and I... I even ..."

 

Newt hid his face in his hands.

 

_It's now or never,_ Thomas thought.

 

"Minho told me a few things," he said.

 

Uncomfortable silence fell over the room. Thomas tried to avoid Newt's look. He expected the older on to get angry and to scream. But nothing happened. Newt just started at him with teary eyes, not saying a word, with an unreadable expression. Thomas wanted to break the silence but he didn't know what to say. It was Newt who finally found his voice again.

 

"Are you going to break up with me?"

 

Thomas's entire face fell upon hearing that question.

 

"Barely two minutes ago I gave you a super romantic speech on how much I love you and that I'm never going to let you go and now you ask me if I'm going to break up with you? Seriously, Newt?"

 

Although he hadn't been too sure about in the first place, Thomas's sentence brought exactly the effect he had hoped for: Newt smiled at him.

 

"I love you too, Tommy."

 

 

|=|

 

 

The rest of the evening was very nice. They had dinner together (Newt cooked surprisingly well) and watched a film afterwards. For a few hours everything seemed normal but Thomas still knew that Newt had a very long way ahead of him and that he himself was going to be by his side, carefully watching every step his boyfriend would take.

 

 

|=|

 

 

It was almost midnight and Thomas was pretty sure that Newt was asleep. Or at least that was what he thought.

 

"Tommy."

 

Still half asleep, Thomas turned around to face Newt.

 

"What's wrong?" he wanted to know, his voice still sleepy.

 

"I just... You know what? It's not that important, we can talk about it tomorrow. Night, Tommy."

 

Newt turned around fast, avoiding eye contact with his boyfriend. Thomas, however, didn't think of the conversation as finished. He moved a little bit closer to Newt and hugged him carefully from behind.

 

"What's the matter?"

 

Newt sighed.

 

"What.. um... What exactly did Minho tell you? I mean, how much did he tell you?"

 

Thomas sighed. He knew that Newt would want to know sooner or later.

 

"Well, he told me you had quite a few little problems when you were younger, that you were very sad and that... that you only saw one way out," Thomas told him, "And now, with your recent behaviour he's scared that something similar might happen again. He's really worried about you... And so am I, by the way."

 

"I'm sorry," Newt whispered and Thomas immediately regretted his choice of words.

 

"No, don't be! I'm just saying.... Everything will be all right again. You'll get through this. We'll get through this. Together, as a team. I love you, remember? I'm here for you, to help you. Just like Minho. And I bet Teresa too. And Alby. I'm not one hundred percent sure about Gally, but everyone else-"

 

Newt made Thomas stop talking by kissing him.

 

He wasn't sure why but he felt happier than ever.

 

 

|=|

 

 

Newt didn't remember much of the dark times. Not he because he was physically not able to, though. It was more of a mental thing. He didn't  _want_ to remember. But lately it just all came back, piece by piece.

 

He was at work, finishing a few reports, when it suddenly hit him. The same question that haunted him for one whole year, back when he was still a teenager: What is the meaning of life? And with that question the images started floating in his mind. Images of himself sitting at home crying uncontrollably, of the fake smile he put on his face every time his friends talked to him and of course the image of himself standing on top of the school building, looking down in fear while hearing a small voice inside his head say 'Just do it. Nobody needs you here. You are useless.'

 

And then there still was the image of himself falling down.

 

(But he could also remember how it felt when he woke up in the hospital. His leg hurt unbelievably and he felt dizzy. When he looked up, he saw someone sitting next to his bed. Minho, the happiest person Newt had ever met in his entire life, just sat there and looked at him with tears streaming down his face.

 

"You are such an idiot," Minho had said.

 

And then he snapped forward and pulled Newt into a hug. A hug that lasted exactly twenty-four minutes. Both of them cried. And still it was one of Newt's most precious memories.)

 

Without hesitation Newt left his office upon remembering all these incidents. He ran through the city, trying to escape. But it was too late. The voice was back. And it told him enough for him to reconsider living.

 

That night he went to Minho's place, but soon as his best friend stood in front of him, he didn't know what to say.

 

"It's starting again," he had whispered and again Minho had pulled him in an everlasting hug.

 

 

 

 

(However, when Newt came home that night, when he saw Thomas, another set of memories came rushing through his head: the first time he had ever met Thomas.

 

It had been a cold winter's day and Newt's leg nearly gave out. He was limping through the city, hoping he would soon reach his apartment. All he wanted in that moment was to go to sleep. And then it happened all at once. He slipped. He fell. A stranger caught him. And Newt feel in love with the boy that looked at him asking "Are you okay?" 

 

This stranger then introduced himself as Thomas and offered to walk Newt home.

 

And that was how their story began.)

 

 

 

 

Sadly depression doesn't care if you meet the love of your life. It's quite the opposite.

 

 

 

 

Love cannot cure depression, Newt knew that from the beginning. He never told Thomas about himself suffering from mental illness because it magically got better with the time passing and he didn't want to romanticize his illness. He didn't want it to sound like "I always wanted to kill myself until I met you" so he simply never said anything about it. When Thomas asked about his limp, he changed the subject. When Thomas wanted to know why Minho was always so concerned about Newt, he made up some terrible excuse.

 

But when it started happening again, when the voice came back... He couldn't hide it anymore.

 

 

|=|

 

 

Newt went to see a doctor and slowly - really slowly - it got better. Both, him and Thomas, knew from the beginning that they couldn't work a miracle. Recovery takes time. And they took the time.

 

 

|=|

 

 

One year later.

 

 

|=|

 

 

"Not gonna lie there, Thomas, I never ever thought I'd get engaged," Minho said proudly.

 

"Well, I actually always thought Teresa would go for someone a bit more intelligent, but that's just the way it is, right? Lucky you," Thomas joked earning a slap on the shoulder from Minho.

 

"Boys, I thought you've finally grown up. Seriously, what's the matter with you two?" Teresa came out of nowhere scolding them both.

 

"And you really wanna spend the rest of your life with her?" Thomas whispered smirking in Minho's direction.

 

"Hey, Tom. Where's Newt, by the way? The two of you arrived together but he's nowhere in sight. I mean  _technically_ it's only an engagement party but you know, that already makes me the bride and if there's one thing I learnt from television it is to always do as the bride says. So tell him to get his ass back to the party."

 

"Already on my way, T."

 

 

 

Thomas didn't have to search very long to find Newt - in fact, he didn't have to search at all. He knew exactly where his boyfriend was. While most guests spend their time in the living room of Minho's and Teresa's flat, Newt was in the kitchen.

 

"Hey there," Thomas greeted him.

 

Newt turned around in surprise, but started smiling soon as he realized the person who had just entered the kitchen was Thomas.

 

"Hey there yourself. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with the others?"

 

"I could ask you the same question. Not feeling well?" Thomas wanted to know.

 

He tried to hide his worry but it didn't really get past Newt.

 

"I'm feeling amazing."

 

Newt turned around again and nodded towards the kitchen wall, where Minho and Teresa had put dozens of photos of their families and friends.

 

"Remember that day?" he asked while pointing at one of the pictures in particular.

 

The photo showed Thomas and Newt sitting next to each other in a coffee shop.

 

"How could I forget that? It was out first date."

 

"And Teresa felt the necessity to follow us around and take pictures. To be honest, when I found out about that I was pretty sure that you and everyone who had something to do with your was crazy. But, y'know, now I'm actually glad she took that picture," Newt confessed.

 

"Me too," Thomas said, "I mean, look at you. You were so shy and nervous. Really cute."

 

"Shut up already," Newt laughed and playfully elbowed Thomas, "You weren't Mr Perfect either."

 

Seeing Newt being so happy, Thomas couldn't help but smile. After all, it had been a while since he last heard his boyfriend laughing so carefree. He enjoyed every second of this moment. After a while however, Newt noticed Thomas staring at him.

 

"What's the matter, Tommy? Somethin' in my face?"

 

Thomas shook his head, still smiling.

 

"It's nothing," he promised, "I'm just really glad to see you this happy. You look really beautiful when you laugh, you know?"

 

Newt shyly looked to the ground, trying to hide the fact that he was blushing like crazy. In the meantime, Thomas's smile grew wider upon his boyfriend's reaction.

 

"Just shut up," Newt whispered and tried to leave the kitchen. Thomas however didn't have any intention of letting him go, so he grabbed his hand and pulled him in a hug.

 

"That was a compliment," he assured Newt.

 

"I know."

 

They stayed in this position for a while, surrounded by comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other's presence.

 

"I love you, Newt."

 

"I love you too, Tommy."

 

 

|=|

 

 

It took some time, but eventually, Newt got better. And Thomas stayed by his side for the whole time.

 

 

 

Love can't cure depression. But it can definitely help fighting it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you liked the story. I just really felt the need to write the story for whatever reason there may be. Kind of just happened~ (English isn't my first language so I'm officially apologizing for mistakes in grammar etc.)


End file.
